The Sun is Still Shining
I wanted to start off by saying thank you SO MUCH to those that have reached out to us during this time. We were overwhelmed by your support and your prayers mean so much to us. I had never realized how important community was, honestly, until now. Knowing that you have an army of people praying for you and your family makes you feel like you can conquer anything. So again, thank you - it means more than you know!
We are currently seeing our high risk doctor once a month until we have the baby (and also simultaneously seeing our regular OB). The first appointment with the high risk doctor was definitely the hardest. It's taken a while to really process everything and not wake up thinking about it. We saw her again a few weeks ago and we don't really have any new news - but in this case NO news is GOOD news!
The fluid hasn't increased in amount, which is a good thing. The baby's actual head size is average and other parts of the baby's brain and body are developing at a normal rate. ALL GOOD THINGS! Praise be to God.
Now, I'm at the point where I've kind of been able to compartmentalize my thoughts - I'm not sure if that's good or bad. But pretty much I try not to think about the negative as much as possible, but the few days leading up to any doctor's appointments can still be unnerving. We told ourselves since we found out about the diagnosis, that we would NOT let the devil destroy what was made for good. And we're trying to do just that!
Ask anyone in my family, I am the absolute queen of saying 'NO NEGATIVITY!' I've been this way my whole life. Raining on your wedding day? No negativity! Failed plans or dreams? No negativity! Got stuck in traffic? No negativity! I've never been one to stress over the minor or major things. Even when I was a toddler, we were living in South Bend, Indiana. It'd be -20 degrees outside, but the sun was shining. I would look out the window and tell my parents 'It's very nice out today!' Regardless of the fact we had icicles hanging off our nose.
Isn't it funny when as soon as you preach something to someone else, God likes to remind you to do the same? I've heard his voice in the back of my mind anytime I feel fears rush in, "Alex, no negativity. I am in control." I say it all of the time to others, but it's so hard to swallow when telling myself. To be totally honest, I think this is the first time where I truly recognize how much I need Jesus. Life up until this point has been pretty smooth. Yes, there's been bumps but this whole situation takes the cake. It's woken me up to not only having more compassion for others, but also to realize how blessed we are.
That being said, I hope you can be reminded today that God didn't give you a spirit of fear, but one of a sound mind. I know there's so much going on in the world today. Want to feel fear? Turn on the news. Now, more than ever, we need the peace that only Jesus can bring. I feel like I never have the right words to say because I know everyone is fighting a battle. But one thing I do know is that worry gets you nowhere. I love that quote:
"Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere."
I pray that whatever you are going through. If you feel uneasy, like you don't know what to do, or maybe you do know what to do and your just terrified to take the leap - God is in control.
xoxo Alex